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Bittersweet

Mom, pancake! 
Look, chocolate!
Mooommmm!!!!!



I hear Reiko shouting from the background as I'm writing this. Reiko, if you don't know him yet, is the love of my life and my forever inspiration. Tomorrow, he will be 4 years old.

birthday baby

Wait, in fact right now I have to stop writing because Reiko is asking me to make chocolate pancakes for him. 


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Now I'm back. Gawd, my pancakes were already perfect! The first time I made some? My pancakes looked like scrambled eggs!

So anyway, I remember a month ago when I had to make a call to a school near us. It took me so long to make that call. For some reasons, I was anxious and nervous. After a million back and forths, I called the school. Because I had to!

I can't keep Reiko at home forever. I have to let him go. I have to let him develop his social skills outside the four corners of our house. After some deep breathing exercises, I swallowed the nervousness and finally managed to take it all in.

birthday baby

Babies grow up. They become toddlers and preschoolers. They have to go to school and make friends. They become teens and then adults and eventually they will have to leave home to find jobs and have their own families. Pretty much each of us do.

Perhaps because I am so used to him being around me all the time for 4 years - being the overprotective mom that I am, that I find it so hard to even think of calling the school. Then I tell myself... Relax. He's only gonna be out for 1.5 hours, why are you freaking out?

Most likely because I know it's the start.

birthday baby

How will he do in school? What if someone asks him about something and he can't find the right words to say? At his age, he still has limited vocabulary but I'm sure he's a smart boy. He will do fine. And I'm not alone in this circle of thoughts. I'm not the only mom who has to go through this. This. What do you exactly call this?

Maybe it's the sweet pain of motherhood... or fatherhood. Watching your kids grow up so fast and eventually letting go of them so that they may learn to be on their own. And in my case, learning to dismiss or maybe acknowledge the anxiety of bringing Reiko to school or thinking about anything related to preschool.

birthday baby

Tough. But preschool is a milestone. Reiko learning to speak, write, read, play, socialize, and enjoy is a big milestone. I should be happy for him and for myself, for our little family. Because he grew up just fine and he will continue to be better everyday.

I'm positive that everything is gonna be alright. Right? 

Dear Reiko,

Happy birthday. I trust that you'll grow up to be the best that you can be in everything you do. But even when you're not the best for the rest, you're still the best for me. 

And I will carry you as long as I can. 

Love, Mom ♥

birthday baby

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PS: As you may have noticed, my blog theme has changed once again. As much as I want to avoid changing themes only after a few months of updating, I need to. 

There's a blog bug that made my previous theme sucky (as much as I loved it) plus I lost a few comments from IntenseDebate last week and so you see, I'm now using Disqus comments. 

It was an inconvenience but I had to fix it because you reading this is my priority. Please let me know if you encounter any errors. Thank you. :)

1 comment

  1. Aw, absolutely beautiful letter and Happy Birthday to Reiko! ;)

    ReplyDelete