What if someone doesn't like you?

March 16, 2014

Growing up, I've always had that need to be likeable. I used to be very self-conscious, I'd go all out just for people to like me and I'd always feel upset if someone tried to avoid me or made me feel like they just didn't like me at all. Back in grade school, it was easy to be liked because I was always on top in both academics and extra-curricular.

For the same reasons, it was also a lot easier to be disliked. One of my classmates even told me that I didn't have calcium and I was so thin and skinny so I shouldn't join any sports activities. I cried. But that was grade school. And it was still fun despite the occasional trash talkers and bullies (bullying that's been happening nowadays is a different story though).

During high school and college, I could pass as Ms. Congeniality. I mean, I made true friends and I was sincere with my friendships with them. It's just that, along the way, I'd meet some people that I'd like to impress so I usually go with the flow and agree to whatever they said. When someone asked me if I wanted pink or blue, I'd usually say "it's up to you, it doesn't matter.."

I was kind of worried whenever I tried to disagree. I was afraid that all eyes would be on me. Nevertheless, high school and college were more fun than ever. The need to always be liked by everyone was more of a personal battle.

And now with the kind of job that I have, I have learned so much about how to have a firm decision and it was only when I started working that I completely realized and accepted that it's perfectly fine to not be liked by everyone. You know how it is when in school, we can choose who to be with during projects and homeworks most of the time. But at work, if we're assigned to work with someone, we can't really choose. Instead, we have to be professional and do our job. 

*With my trainees.. and the peace sign turned horn. LOL

As a lead trainer, I often see adults acting like kids in my class. I get annoyed with trainees who simply couldn't follow simple rules and who need to be reminded ALL the time as if they're a bunch of toddlers. If I find that someone keeps on violating the rules, I always get sarcastic. I don't yell, but yes, I can really get sarcastic. With that, it's probably very easy to be hated or disliked.

Thankfully though, I've never received any negative feedback from all the many trainees I've handled so far. The worst feedback I probably got was from a trainee who was a law student (I don't have anything against law students by the way because I myself wanted to be one). That trainee actually threatened to sue me because I didn't accept the reason for his 3-day absences without official notice (and he called me a bitch!) Sorry for the word.

This leads me to believe that I've most likely dealt with my need to always be liked. I can still be Ms. Congeniality and I still have a lot of friends but I'm not afraid to say no anymore. I'm not scared to be firm with my decision and even when some people don't or won't like me for it, as long as I'm doing my job and I'm not doing anything wrong, it's perfectly fine. Like what they always say, we can never please everybody. And that's alright. 

With so many people in the world, it's impossible that everyone likes everyone. There will always be someone who won't like you and would even make you feel that they don't like you at all. Again, do not worry. The sooner you accept who you are, the sooner you won't care about those people who don't like you.

The world is not just all about them, and not also all about you. We can still co-exist peacefully even when we don't really like each other. However, when people do something really bad that affects you physically or emotionally, then that's a different story that deserves its own blog post, not by me but by someone else who's more qualified to talk about it.

Respect is the key. Treat others the way you want to be treated. Plus we can never go wrong with kindness. And remember your family and real friends, they will always accept you no matter what. They're the most important people in your life. :)

Do you also have that need to always be liked by people? Or have you gone through that phase in your life and how did you overcome it?


  1. Great and revealing post :) I'm happy you've grown in that way! I can't say I've ever been a people pleaser, but I'm not a big fan of conflict. So, if I don't really care about something I'll be easy going. However, I am quite outspoken (might be annoying for some) and if I disagree.. I disagree. It all boils down to treating people the way you want to be treated and/or treating others the way they treat you - but it's good to try to be the bigger person :)

    1. Thanks Natasja! I'm not a big fan of conflict too, if possible, I'd just be silent but the thing is when I start talking because I'm annoyed, I get really sarcastic, hehe.. especially if I keep reminding someone to do something and nothing's done at all.

  2. I can relate to this post. There have been moments when I've wanted to be liked by others. However, I think like you once you get older you realize that you only need to care about how your loved ones feel about you because it's difficult and stressful trying to be a people pleaser.

    1. You're right Sonya. It does come with maturity and I find that once we feel secure of ourselves, it becomes easier to let go and let others do their thing instead of working so hard to please them.. :)

  3. Wow this totally resonates with me, like you I can definitely say that no I try to worry less about what people think of me but it is always hard. But like you said with so many people in the world not everyone will like everyone and as long as you are respectful and kind to everyone then we can all just be ourselves and be happy. You should be proud of how you dealt with the guy who treatened to sue you and being called that so disrespectful.
    I'm currently having an issue with this of someone who is angry at the world and makes it hard for people she's difficult to deal with but I try to be kind and then I am doing what I can in the situation, it is hard to be tolerant sometimes.

  4. I totally have that need to be liked. I always have and I shudder to think I always will!
    It really upsets me when someone doesn't like me. It's like I really want the whole world to, which is unreasonable!

  5. I'm used to not being liked. In the beginning, it was because I didn't live near my schools, and therefore could not see any of my friends outside of school. That throws a big wrench in your social life. Then I "developed" in 6th grade, so none of the girls like me - going from flat chest to C cups over the summer. I didn't get any real friends until late into high school. Even then, I'm pretty reserved with friendships. I watch these shows on tv and wish I had friendships like those (well, some of them). But I don't. Anywho... I know lots of people who don't like me and I guess I'm used to it.

  6. I love your new updates to your site! I loved it before, but this is pretty as well :) I definitely have had the struggle to want to be liked in school like you did. I finally got over this stuff once I left NJ almost 2 years ago. Yes! It took that long. Coming into more truth concerning my faith and focusing more on what God wanted me to do and not what was acceptable to extended family is what changed this for me for good. Now I just focus on what my husband thinks and what God thinks and that's it. I do try to show respect to people always and at the same time, just be myself. It's true. Not everyone will like you. I personally don't waste energy on not liking people. LOL. I just think there's so many other things I could do with my energy and time. :)

  7. Hey Rea,

    I love your site by the way, really nice.

    I can't say I've ever felt the need to be liked. I wasn't as outgoing when I was young as I became later in life so I ended up just attracting people to me. I'm of the attitude that you either like me for who I am or not at all. I'm perfectly fine if you chose not at all because that just tells me that we weren't meant to be friends. We're probably much better off too.

    Glad that you grew out of that and I think when you're in a work environment and one of the leaders you're never going to be on everyone's good side. That's just really hard to do.

    Love your pictures, thanks for sharing and great family you have. Looks like you guys had a lot of fun with their visit.

    You enjoy your week okay.


  8. I love the website!! so simple yet strong. so you. :)
    i also the love that guy with long hair, wearing glasses! haha

  9. For me, I don't care at all. I learned to accept that you can't please everybody. It doesn't matter if many don't like me. What is more important is I do have a clean conscience, that I'm not doing bad against other people and those people who love and like me matters the most. I don't need also plenty of friends. All I need are true and real friends.

  10. I think there will always be someone who doesn't agree with what we do or who we are. That's why I always try to accept everyone as they are and understand that different is beautiful even if people don't agree with me. :)

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  11. What a great subject to talk about! Fantastic point - could you imagine if all the people in the world liked everyone. I understand that everyone doesn't like me, but I'm in my 40's and it took me a long time to get here. It's so difficult to watch my kids go through the very slow realization that perhaps there will be people in their school or activities that they may not be friends with… and that it's ok. :)
    xo ~kim

  12. Thanks Kim for your wonderful comment! Thanks too for everyone who commented. Your comments are very well thought-of and I appreciate each one. I couldn't use the threaded comment system at this point anymore because I just installed Intense Debate comment system. :)

  13. i absolutely love this post!!! i always feel the same but you just have to learn to accept that not every one will like you, and if they dont they arent worth your time! id love it if youd check out my blog and comment back http://amyelizabethfashion.blogspot.co.uk/2014/03/vintage-bomber-ootd.html xx

  14. It was really easy to be disliked earlier on in my career because I was an auditor. LOL Nobody likes an auditor. So I switched careers, but turns out that people can dislike you no matter what you do. People can be so mean. I overcame it by understanding what my role is in the organization and the project and whether or not I did the best I could in that situation. If I can say that I do my job the best that I can and that I know that I treat people with respect, then I don't really care who dislikes me.

  15. That's really a good thing to do. I pretty much do the same, as long as I know that I'm doing my job and I treat people with respect, I can accept if some people won't like me :) Being an auditor sounds like a tough job!


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